my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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