You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
