Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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