my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize