you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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