I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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