You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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