And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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