never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
