And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize