porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize