When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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