Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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