There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
