my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
