it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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