I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
