Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
