I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
