I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
