He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bring me that man meat
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
