I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
