You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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