Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
