he puts the penis in happiness.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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