Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
