There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
