OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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