the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
