He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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