worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
