How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
