He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
