It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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