Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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