On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the day after is always just damage control
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
