The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
