the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
