What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
