I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
