I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
