I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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