Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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