i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
