I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
