You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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