last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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