I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
