i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
