you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
