A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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