Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize