I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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