i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
