He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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