I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm bleeding and have questions
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
