i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
