She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
