Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
