Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
