I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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