Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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