Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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