I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize