Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
