Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
