never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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