Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
