i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
