Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
