dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
