I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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