I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
