I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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