Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have already put on my inside pants.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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