I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
