Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize