i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
