I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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