two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
