while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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