dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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