Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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