The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
