jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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