My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I could fuck to npr.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
