I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
