Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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