All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
