Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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