dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
