What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
