she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
