I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
