Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
