i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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