he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
