Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
