So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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