I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
