In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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