well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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