Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
