Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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