If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
