then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need moral support for this bender
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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