it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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