She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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